Men and Abortions

I know this is a topic that I'm not supposed to talk about. I know it is taboo to even think, in the dark corners of my mind, that a mere man might be able to tell a woman what to do with their bodies... But guess what? I'm going to anyway.

This is one of the things that I mentioned in a previous post that I would like to see changed when it comes to the laws about abortion in this country. We accept the fact that it takes two people, male and female, to make a child. Even the most scientific methods of artificial insemenation cannot get past the fact that you at least need a sperm donor.

We accept the fact that men who father children have a responsibility to that child and its mother even if the adult couple is no longer together, or even if the child was conceived during a "one night stand" with no relationship. Neither of these things do I have the least bit of trouble understanding or accepting. If you are a male in this day and age and do not know how to keep from fathering children you do not want, you ought to be castrated. Plain, pure, simple, and let's save everyone a whole damn lot of money!

But, here's the thing that gets me. In our society, it is readily accepted that it take two to make the child, it takes two to raise it, but for that couple of months right at the beginning of the pregnancy... It only takes one to make all the decisions.

I do not have the right to force a woman I impregnate to have an abortion. I cannot physically pick her up and take her to the clinic. It is absurd to most that I would even mention the possibility of such a thing, myself included. On the other hand, I have no right to stop an abortion that I am against even if I am the admitted father of the child. I have no right to demand that the woman I slept with carry that child for nine months. I have no say either way. In fact, depending on the age of the woman involved, her parents have more say in the matter than I do as the child's father.

Once the child is born, I still have no say, but I do once again have responsibility. I pay child support regardless. Every family court in this country awards child support as a matter of course. I don't necessarily have a problem with the idea of child support, it wasn't the child's fault the relationship between its parents went to shit. A man cannot go into family court and tell a judge that "Well, sir, I am not going to pay child support because I offered to pay for the abortion and she refused." He would be laughed out of the room and all the way into a jail cell most likely.

I don't have an easy answer to this dillemna that presents itself day in and day out in our society. But I do have some ideas. One, the father's opinion must be heeded. If we expect the father to take responsibility then there should not be a break in the middle when he is considered as nothing more than a donor without an opinion. I do believe a man should have the right to request the option of being able to compensate the woman for carrying a child if he is against abortion and abortion is her choice.

I suppose what it all comes down to is equality between the sexes. Yes, equality. But equality is not very popular when it comes to this subject. We still live in a mindset that a man's contribution to a child is nothing more than a little sweat, a squirt or two of semen, and eighteen years of bill paying if it comes to that. When will we ever learn that "equality" has nothing to do with weighting one side against the other? Point blank, if it takes two to make the child, then it should take two to make the decisions about the future of that child from the day of conception, not the day of birth. Even if it means that us men have to start paying child support early, during pregnancy, to cover things such as medical bills and trying to make sure the mother has a proper diet. I would much rather be faced with that possibility than what I am faced with now. Afterall, what is another nine months of bills when I am literally faced with 18 years of them due to a decision that I have no say in, no control over? Equality isn't necessarily fun, and it definitely isn't pretty, but dammit, it is time that we stop paying lip service to equality and actually start living in an equal world, on this subject and all the others.

Social Engineering

When it comes to politics one of the things I hate to see is promises of "social engineering." Regardless of the candidate, it seems that abortion is the one topic that seems to come up in the platform. I don't know if it is because of the two opposing lobbying parties, or a perception of what the public thinks matters that I just don't get, but I wish it would go away.

First, let me explain my position on it. Personally, I dislike the idea of abortion, and I have made sure that all of my sexual partners either have had similar views or would be willing to abide by mine. I just cannot stomach the idea of a child I had fathered being aborted. Politically, however, I remain convinced that abortion must be protected and remain legal. There are a couple of different reasons for the political side to it.

One, abortions did not just start happening with Roe vs. Wade. They were being performed even when they were either downright illegal and quasi-legal. Unfortunately, the abortions performed during those days were often just as fatal to the mother as to the child. The idea that a bunch of lawmakers in Washington can write up a bunch of new laws and then there wouldn't be anymore abortions just doesn't make common sense and can only be formed with a total disregard of both history and human nature. Abortions would simply go underground again, and as a result we will have a bunch of doctors and would-be mothers sitting in prisons and jails.

Second, abortion is a social morals question, not a legal one. If, like me, you don't personally approve of abortion, then it is not an option for you. You have the power to talk about it on a personal level with your partner, and teach your children and instill your values in them. However, there are a lot of people that do not hold the same social morals and do not see a problem with the option. That is their right. They also have the ability to talk about it and teach their children just like I do.

So, any legislation on the subject, other than the basic keeping it safe variety, is only an attempt at social engineering. History tells us our government is not very good at social engineering. Remember Prohibition and the 18th Amendment of the Constitution? During the fourteen years that the 18th Amendment was in place, it had the EXACT opposite result of what was planned by its social engineers. The idea was that by banning intoxicating beverages (except those used in religious ceremonies) the country's social morals would improve. Instead, we produced more alcoholics during that period that at any time in history, gave rise to numerous all powerful illegal cartels dealing in illicit booze, and host of horrific social disasters. It was a mitigated disaster, as attested to by the 21st Amendment which repealed the 18th in its entirety.

Social engineering does work, but it is not a machination of legislation. It works when children are taught, and continue to uphold, the morals of the generation before. This is the only way it works outside of a totalitarian state.

This is not to say that I wouldn't like to see SOME changes in the laws dealing with abortion, but that is a topic for another post.